Peace

I fought to become the husband and father I wanted to be.
I fought to put bread on the table.
I fought to keep her happy when she was depressed.
I fought my anxiety when she pulled away.

I fought to save the marriage when she said she was leaving.
I fought to get out of bed when she was gone.
To go to work,
To make dinner for the kids,
To earn enough to keep us afloat.

I fought off fears that the kids would leave me too.
I fought to find friends who could hold my pain.
I fought to be “normal” again.
I fought off depression and loneliness.

I fought to find myself—
to unlearn the self abandonment I had taught myself.
I fought to help the kids unlearn it too.
I fought the urge to lean on crutches instead of learning to stand.

After decades of fighting, something is different.

Peace.
Hope.
Strength.
Security.

I don’t need to fight anymore.

I can just be.